COUGAR: So what is this "iPhone" thing of which you speak? Some kinda citizen band radio?
CAPTAINOBVIOUS: Poor cougar, I'll take pity on you and explain. The iPhone is a government tracking device that tells the NSA exactly where you are within 3 feet. It is also the circus part of bread and circuses that .gov uses to distract us. Now, the shiny new gold iPhone is even moar extra special because people willingly enter their fingerprint, allowing .gov exclusive access to something that is usually only required from arrested persons, almost-lawyers taking the bar exam, and other undesirables. .gov can now plant your fingerprint at any crime scene, and voila! Instant proof of your criminal plots and a very easy excuse to trot you off to the for-profit prison system or the nearest FEMA camp, whichever is more appropriate. FEMA camp is for the political dissidents, of course, since the only reeducating that goes on in the for-profit prison system is how to commit crimes more effectively, how to tattoo gang symbols using only a ball point pen, and how to gang rape new inmates.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BMsLArefSOw
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